A New Day

After work today I’m headed to town to go grocery shopping and stockpiling healthy stuff so I can start back on South Beach tomorrow.  I’ve done South Beach several times and it just works for me.  So I’ll be headed to Costco, then Walmart, then Copper Colander to buy seeds for my Aero-Garden. I’ve got a closet of beautiful clothes that I can’t fit into right now and I’ll be darned if I let this weight stay with me.

A Small Freakout

I got a call from the doctor’s office earlier this week regarding my mammogram.  There’s a change in the tissue that the radiologist is concerned about, so I need to go in for a second mammogram and possibly an ultrasound.  I’ve done the research – I know that only a small percentage of these things are cancer; that usually something like this ends up being benign, fibrocystic usually.  I was actually calm, cool, and collected until about 15 minutes ago…when it dawned on me that my appointment is only 1/2 hour away.  Like I said before, the chances of it actually being something are so small, but until the radiologist actually tells me it’s nothing, I’m starting to freak out a bit.  At least this time the radiologist will actually read my scan while I’m there and then will move forward from that point.  Mom’s coming with me – seems like no matter how old we get, we’re still Mommy’s babies.  🙂

Updated to add – it’s a cyst!  It should go away on it’s own, but if it doesn’t they may just go in and pop it with a needle.  I have a follow-up appt with my regular doctor on August 3 to discuss.  Thanks for the thoughts, prayers, and good wishes.  It’s much appreciated!!

I Really Need to Get My Stuff Together

I’ve been paying $17.95/mo for my weight watchers membership and $15.00/mo for my gym membership (well, $27.00 really, when you figure in the add-on fee that the teenager doesn’t pay me)……One guess.  Have I used either?  I’ll give you a hint.  It’s starts with a big, fat, bold “N”.

I need to go shopping and get some veggies and fruits in this house.  I’ve been craving them like crazy.  Which is good!

Not quite sure how much I want to try on the exercise front right now.  I had another bad flare-up of my back/neck..(thanks to getting T-Boned twice within an 8-year time frame……the accident 3 years ago just aggravated the injury from the original accident)……I have one more doctor appt on Thursday…hopefully I’ll be released for the time being until it flares again.

Still reading…lots and lots of reading..which has been great.  I’m reading The Magnificent Seven by Cheryl St. John right now…..I’ve never been disappointed by her yet. 🙂

Genealogy – still on the back burner for now.  I’ll need to get back on track sometime, but am enjoying the respite.  Once I get back into it, I’ll be obsessed all over again.

Vacation plans ~ we’re going to stay close to home this year.  We’re going to The Black Hills for a week in late August.  Not sure if we’ll hit Rushmore this time or not since the purpose of this trip is for toddler and we’ve all seen it several times.  I do think we’ll hit The Cosmos, Bear Country, Flintstone LandReptile Gardens, Keystone, Old MacDonald’s, and Storybook Island.  Not to mention there’s TGI Friday’s, Chili’s, Boston’s and Sanford’s which we don’t have here – plus all the local places we love to eat at.  It’s going to be a great trip!

E-book Prices and Other Ponderings

So, I think I may have been one of the last few people to hop on the ereader bandwagon, but when I did I went wholeheartedly.  I started with my ebookwise ereader and absolutely loved it…I had it for 4 years before I even dared look at another option.  But then the next generation Kindle caught my eye, so I bought it in April (Happy Birthday to Me!).  To say I love it is an understatement – I love the 1-click buy option (though it is getting me in trouble with my budget) and the fact that I have immediate access to my book through instant downloads. I even love the fact that I can have the first few chapters sent to me for free before I decide to buy the book (I must remember to use this option!).

The reader I am now – I prefer digital versus paper (who woulda thunk it???) and am always on the hunt for bargains.  I update my ereaderiq watch list several times a day and am always adding things to my wishlist. The thing is, I still can’t bring myself to pay the prices that the publishers want for their books these days.  And as a reader, if I’m not reading you know I’m shopping for new books, new deals, etc., etc.

I still have my auto-buys that I don’t blink twice at having to pay a few dollars more for.  I’ll pay $7.99 for the new Jill Shalvis or Julia Quinn because they get downloaded to me the same day of publication and that’s worth it to me versus saving a few bucks by having to go shop at the big box stores….Or waiting to receive it via mail from amazon.  But I absolutely refuse to pay $10, $12, $14 for an ebook when it is free at my library.

That being said, I am a collector and have thousands of books. I have lots of reading options! I can afford to wait for the prices to go down and if they don’t, I have no qualms going to the library or paying less for the paperback copy the next time I’m grocery shopping at Walmart.  Not a big deal. Before I went digital, I was a paperback girl all the way. That hasn’t changed..though I prefer digital, I prefer a bargain even more.

In other news ~ I finished books #1 – #3 of the Kowalski series by Shannon Stacey last night.  I loved each and every one of them and can’t wait for books #4 – #6 to be published (September 2012, thank you very much).  I think there may be some re-reads in my future 🙂

Pondering

So, I’ve been a downloading & reading fool lately.  Forgive the pun, but my Kindle has re-kindled my love of reading.  Which is great – I have a lot of books to get through 🙂 

On the genealogy front, I did hear back from an adoption agency in Minnesota that stated I would need to send them my father’s consent along with $30.00 to even look to see if they have the records.  Okay….so my father and I don’t really speak.  He sends me the obligatory birthday card once a year, but that’s about it.  So I asked the Adoption Agency if my aunt could sign instead (same parents and I actually have a relationship with her).  The answer?  No.  Seems a bit unbelievable to me.  So not sure what to do now.  I could petition Ramsey county (where the adoption agency is), but then again, if the adoption records were private they wouldn’t have been released to the state.  I’m one frustrated researcher. 

Whoa???!!!!

2 months?  Really?  And here I was going to be so much better about my blogging.  Ah well; evidently I’m as good at the blogging as I am at the dieting 🙂  Fell off the wagon so hard it ran me over!  That ended today (well, so far – it’s only noon after all!).

I ordered myself a kindle which will be delivered today.  I debated on whether to Kindle or Nook; but I finally went with amazon.  I’m more interested in the reader than the apps.  So, I am (im)patiently waiting for UPS to get here.

On genealogy news, I’ve been busy.  And excited. And disappointed.  I received permission from the Hennepin and Kandiyohi courts (MN) to have access to my grandma’s sealed adoption records.  Which was very exciting until I found out that grandma’s adoption happened in neither county.  There’s also no record of birth in MN for grandma or her sister, so I now have no idea where Grandma was born. I’m beginning to think I’m going to have to wait the 7 years until her records are no longer sealed.  Then again, I’ll need to know where the adoption even occured.

I’m reading the Bride Quartet series by Nora Roberts now.  I just finished the first one and am anxious to start on Emma’s story (book 2).  I’ve also pre-ordered Sean’s book from the Winds of Change series by Julie Lessman.

Eating front – well, as I noted above, that’s not good.  But I got back on the wagon today.  I need to persevere on this because I do not want to have to replenish the fat side of my closet.  As it is now, I did have to go drop some $$ down on a few new outfits because I have very few things that fit me now.

My mom and I are taking the girls to Hop this afternoon.  It looks cute, though I’ve heard all the funny parts are in the previews (isnt’ that the way it always is anymore??)

Later,
Dev

Somebody Stop Me!

Truly.  Someone needs to block me from accessing amazon.com & qvc.com.  Today alone I just bought 8 new books (pre-ordered quite a few also)…..and then yesterday I bought a new LED HDTV.  Darn you QVC and your EZ Pay option!!!

Toddler and I are going to the library tonight and then are going home to make portabella pizzas. Baby wants soup, but she’ll have to settle for the pizzas for tonight.  I plan on slow cooking a pot of soup tomorrow and then will take some to her on Thursday.

Snowed In

Mom was supposed to leave today for Minot for Christmas.  So far, she’s still at the airport.  Darn those snowstorms in the midwest!!  She is still supposed to get out by 3pm today; which will put her into Minneapolis by 6pm……then she won’t leave Minneapolis until 9:40pm (if she gets to leave at all!!) and gets to Minot at 11:30pm.  Yikes!!  Being the loving daughter, I told her “Ya know, if you’d driven, you’d already be there by now!”  Of course, that’s not true – the roads are closed in North Dakota and the plows aren’t even coming out.  I do pray for safe flights and that she gets there tonight – this is the first time she’s been able to spend Christmas with all of her brothers and sisters (7 total!) in about 30 years.

In other news, I’m just ready for vacation.  Two more days and then I’m off for 11 fun-filled days of sleeping in, reading, watching old movies, and doing genealogy.  That’s it.  That’s all I have planned – and I cannot wait!

Oh! If you could, please say a quick prayer for Morgan and her family.  She had surgery this morning and I’m really hoping they were able to get most (if not all, preferably!) of the tumors from her lungs.

Update

I’ve been working on genealogy a lot lately, so haven’t been on the blogs.  Sorry!  I vowed not to go MIA when I started this thing and yet, here I am.

Right now, I’m working on the Lien side of my family, who immigrated from Vang, Valdres, Oppland, Norway.  There were 4 siblings that came over together.  I’m the descendant of one of these siblings and have been fortunate enough to meet some of the descendants of the other siblings on my various trips to Minnesota.  That being said, I stumbled on a “new” cousin today – on blogger of all places! I was very excited to find her and really hope she writes back soon 🙂

As far as weight-loss/health, I rejoined weight watchers when I heard about the new PointsPlus program…..I haven’t started it yet, but joining was the first step.  I just need to start following that path and making better choices.

That being said, I’ve been on a comfort food kick lately.  I made yet another pot of chicken and dumplings this weekend and have been eating the leftovers for two days now.  I really should start cooking smaller portions, but for me it’s darn-near impossible!

Reading?  I lost my mojo again……but that’s okay.  I start vacation on Thursday and hope it comes back for a visit while I’m off work for 11 days.

My finger still looks like a little sausage – I’m told it takes a very long time for the swelling to go down.  No kidding!!!  I broke it the day before Halloween and it’s still giving me fits!

Anyway, things are alive and as well as can be expected in my house. 

Until tomorrow,
Dev

Quick Update

I’m alive – just not able to do a lot of posting right now.  I broke my finger last Saturday, so am pretty much limited to short postings on facebook and twitter.  I promise I’ll post more as soon as I heal up a bit!!

Feelings about Fat (Rant Inside)

So twitter is all abuzz about the Marie Claire article about fat people on TV, which then segued to whether we as readers enjoy books with fat heroes or heroines.  I honestly can’t remember reading one – I do have a few I’ve read that had a plus-sized heroine, but there really aren’t a lot of them out there. That being said, Sookie and Jackson from Gilmore Girls were one of my favorite couples on TV.  I also really loved Janet and Eddie from October Road.

So as I read the feeds, I got more and more depressed.  Here’s the thing, people.  I AM one of those fat people and trust me when I say that you can spew your hate on me all you want to, but it is not going to be any less hurtful than what I already say to myself each and everyday.  I look in the mirror every morning and cut myself to threads – just looking for something wrong and not finding it hard to do so. I have mastered negative self-talk in my 40(ish) years, and I’ve perfected the self-deprecating comments.

I cover myself up in huge baggy clothes in an attempt to make disappear what is so abundant, and I shy away from social gatherings that have to do with anything other than my immediate family. I avoid seeing people that I haven’t talked to in awhile because I don’t want them to see what I’ve become. I live through books, movies, and social networking because it enables me not to have to deal with the outside world, where I feel like such a complete and utter failure.

I grew up thinking that if I wasn’t “perfect”, I wasn’t worthy of love.  I also grew up thinking I would get married and have children…not even considering it wouldn’t ever happen (it didn’t, by the way). It had nothing to do with how my mother raised me – but it did have everything to do with how I would continue on in my life as an adult. I dated men that weren’t very nice to me, knowing somehow that it wouldn’t last but so desperate for “The American Dream” that I stayed longer than I should have…then let it destroy me when it ended.

I eat – though I don’t think I eat a lot, I am an emotional eater. And a bored eater. And a “I’m not really bored but I can’t think of anything else to do” eater. Contrary to popular opinion, fat people don’t eat all day long and they don’t eat just junk.  I’m sure you know this, but “healthy food” is even unhealthy when consumed in the wrong portions.

A few years ago, I took charge and I lost weight – a lot actually.  75 pounds worth.  I looked good. I felt good. I was happy.  I craved the good foods and didn’t eat the “not-so-good” foods. And then………Well, life happened.  I stopped. I stopped caring. I stopped exercising.  I stopped everything.  And the weight crept back. My face got fuller.  And I got angry, and called myself all sorts of names.  I couldn’t fit in my clothes. And I gained more weight, and more, until I had about a handful of clothing that fit and a stubborn refusal that I was NOT going to buy more clothes and I WAS going to get back down to where the clothes I had fit me again.

I did well for about a week.  And then I didn’t anymore.  Not because I didn’t care, but somehow I just want the fact that I want it to be enough.  That that will be the magic pill that turns it all around for me. I don’t want to have to weigh and measure and count. I’m frustrated that I have to and so much more frustrated when I don’t.

Do I want to stay like this?  No, absolutely not.  Am I motivated to change?  Definitely – every time I look at my nieces I’m motivated to change because I want to be here for as much of their life as God allows me to be.

Everyday is the first day of the rest of my life.  How I choose to spend that day is mine alone to decide.  Today, I bypassed the crackers for celery. 

What have you done for you today?