Adventures at Costco (aka Misadventures With Stalker Man)

I went to Costco last night to stock up on veggies before class. While standing in line, a man holding a rotisserie chicken came to stand behind me. He was shortish, with brown hair, a mustache, and maybe mid-late 40’s age range. Below is the saga:

“Is this the shortest line?” he asked.

“I have no idea,” I replied. “I think they’re all long.”

“Well, you’re definitely not the shortest woman. You might be the cutest, though.” He then points at the gentleman in front of me in line. “Is that your guy?”

“No,” I replied.

“Do you have a guy?”

“No.”

“Do you want a guy?”

“No.”

“Are you one of those “alternative” people?” he asked.

“No,” I said.

He then points at my veggies. “You eat a lot of vegetables. Are you a vegetarian?”

“No,” I replied.

I think he could tell I was getting a bit uncomfortable because he lifted his hands up and waved them ~ “Oh, I don’t mean anything by it. I’m just talking. Guess how old I am. Nobody every guesses it right.”

I replied, “Sir, I’m really not good at this game. If you’d like to tell me, go ahead, but I won’t guess your age.”

“Oh, it’s not a game. Nobody ever guesses my age right. Go ahead. Guess my age.”

Again, I replied, “Sir, if you want to tell me, that’s fine, but otherwise I have no idea how old you are.”

He then says, “Really, I don’t mean anything by it. I’m just passing time. I do this sort of thing at work all the time. Guess what I do for a living.”

I replied, “Sir, I’m not going to guess. If you’d like to tell me, that’s fine.”

He then proceeds to tell me how he goes to Costco everyday to buy a chicken. He said they hate him at Costco because everyday he buys one chicken, and so he then makes their average per person sales go down. He then asked me again to guess what he did for a living.

By this time I am trying very hard to ignore the fact that this man exists. Yet, he still would not get the hint. He then asked, “Why don’t you want to be bothered? Why don’t you want to talk to me? I’m just trying to talk to you. Why won’t you look at me?”

I then turned and said, “Sir, you’re making me very uncomfortable. Will you please stop talking to me?”

He replied, “But I’m just trying to talk. I’m just friendly. I won’t hurt you. Why won’t you talk to me?”

Luckily, by this time it was my turn to checkout. The checker takes my card and starts scanning my groceries. Stalker-man behind me then leans over tape machine and starts talking to the checker. “You two sure are fun,” he says to the female checker and her male counterpart. “Are you married?”

“No,” she responds.

“Well,” he says, “I’d sure like to get up your dress.” (Yes, he said that. Verbatim)

“Excuse me?” she said. She then turned to me and rolled her eyes, because I’m pretty sure she’d just gotten a clue of what I’d been dealing with for the past few minutes. I then finished paying for my groceries and thought I was in the home stretch…….but then, my receipt got jammed, because Stalker Man was still leaning on the tape machine.

I then left with the male helper dude so that he could tape my receipt together so I could get out of there. I also needed to stop by the deli so that I could get a caesar salad to take with me for dinner. I thought that should have left plenty of time for Stalker Dude to buy his solitary chicken and go.

Not so.

Stalker Man was waiting at the exit, talking to the man who marks the receipts as you leave. I got my receipt marked, avoided eye contact with Stalker Dude and hurried on out of there. Unfortunately, so did Stalker Man. I then headed to the aisle where my car was. So did Stalker Man. So I continued walking. Past my car. To the end of the lane. And I kept walking around the parking lot until Stalker Dude was no longer following me.

Girls, heed my warning. If you’re in line at Costco and a weird little man with a rotisserie chicken stands behind you in line, run away. Go to a different line and don’t look back. Or don’t. It may make for an interesting story to tell on your blog someday.

23 thoughts on “Adventures at Costco (aka Misadventures With Stalker Man)

  1. I know you don’t know me very well yet (I swear I’m not a stalker) but what a nightmare to have happen in line, when he has you as a captive audience! Glad you didn’t go straight to your car. They sure must love him there coming every day!

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  2. good lord, that’s obnoxious. not to mention scary. might have been worth talking to the manager or something. i used to have guys follow me around in the market in africa but as annoying as they were, i never really felt threatened. but just…ugh. LOSER!

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  3. If you lived anywhere near me I’d swear this guy was one of my former library patrons. Is it any wonder I eventually escaped to the boring monotony of administration?I so would have demanded to see the manager. Especially after Stalker Dude was waiting near the door for you! C-R-E-E-P-Y!

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  4. Julie ~ I sure hope he was exaggerating and doesn’t literally go everyday. I know I sure wouldn’t want to work there if I had that to look forward to.Sula ~ I’m not sure I felt threatened. Just uncomfortable. Hopefully he is now in a nice comfortable room in a mental hospital far, far away from here (ha ha).Lori ~ If he was cute I might have engaged him a little more πŸ™‚ This guy was just creepy. Nath ~ Unfortunately this is the only Costco in town so I have to go back. Hopefully I’m just never there the same time he is again.Wendy ~ I didn’t even think of asking for a manager. Maybe I should have. I know if I was that checker I probably would have.

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  5. Is it wrong of me to be LMAO? Because I think I’ve met this guy- or a near facsimile of him,, several times. (Although I don’t think I’ve ever been followed around a parking lot before! That IS scary!)He has to be getting the same reaction all the time, because what SANE woman would engage him- why do they keep doing it!? eeegits!

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  6. Jen ~ It’s a good argument to start carrying pepper spray, taser, or something isn’t it???Kristie ~ I definitely didn’t want him to see what I drove. Who knows what he would have thought up in that pea-brain of his.Zeek ~ Not bad at all. Heck, I laugh about it. Seriously, nobody wants to talk to this guy. I’m not sure why he doesn’t get the hint.

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  7. I think we need to add freaky to creepy. I think the next time you are in Costco you should say something. If he really does go there everyday he should be stopped from harassing the patrons.

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  8. holy hell how did you stay so niceI think I would have lasted maybe three times before saying something mean And next time do NOT walk out that door. Your happy ass should have turned right back around and gotten the manager to walk you to your car. In this day and age who knows where that creep was if he got your car plates or if he just got bored. But so much better safe than sorry. Good lord I am turning into my mother. le sigh

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  9. Stacy ~ It was a growing experience, what can I say. Rosie ~ I agree. I’m wondering if I’ll ever see him again, though. In all the years I’ve been at Costco, this was a first.Sybil ~ I know, but my happy ass thought I was good to go because stalker dude was harassing another Costco employee. Next time, I’ll know better.Seneca ~ Because I’m embarrassingly polite….until I’m not anymore. I just hadn’t reached my boiling point yet.

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  10. Honestly, I would have ended up talking to him. I’m horrible that way. I have no clue crazy has come to visit until it’s too late. In university I had an obviously mentally ill man come up and start talking to a friend and myself about a funeral he had to attend that day. I was all sympathetic and there, there – while my friend was saying over and over ‘oh, okay, well we have to go’ only he never heard her and not being sure about the man, neither of us tried to get around him. It wasn’t until my friend pinched me and I said ‘okay, we have to go’ that he stopped and let us leave.I think it was when he started talking about knives that I decided I had to stop enabling the conversation and find a way out. It was also obvious that because I was the one listening to him then I was the one that had to stop him. Hate that. Bad Cindy.You did great. Especially not going to your car because I would have so ran to it and jumped in.CindyS

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  11. Cindy ~ He was more than likely fine, but he really bugged me. I’m not an extrovert by any stretch of the imagination. I can usually have a friendly conversation with a stranger, but this guy was on a whole other level.Wena ~ He was. I’m hoping I won’t have to see him again.

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